Monday, December 14, 2009
Stick with the classics
Whenever stuck for a lede, try "They say…", "On the one hand…" or "(Blank) is the new (blank)." The classics never go out of style.
There's no I in computer
Don't be afraid to throw in first-person pronouns and comments. It eases readers' fears that computers are cranking out the stories.
Give a brother an icon?
Dear Santa: we would love to get rid of this generic Twitter icon. Can you help?
Sunday, December 13, 2009
No snow until winter
In early weather stories, always mention how many days away winter is. It reminds Mother Nature about what is acceptable in each season
God love the Liberals
Liberals believe it's their God-given right to govern, so don't poke fun at them unless ur ready for face time with Human Rights Commission
Hardcore curling
Readers aren't interested, but it's your duty to report on curling. Sex it up with double entendres about rocks and exclamations of rigidity
Cold enough for ya?
Not everyone realizes how cold it gets here. Be sure to highlight each temperature drop with John Q's thoughts on how his nuts are affected
World Trade what?
In decade-in-review stories, avoid alienating youth and feeble-minded by using recent events: i.e. biggest event not 9/11, but Tiger Woods
If it's not green, don't be mean
The global warming crowd promised perpetually green Christmases from here on out, so don't embarrass them if there's snow on the ground
Some things are too good to ignore
If you can fit "obedient puppet media" into your story, you owe it to your readers to do so.
Fake outrage
When Al-Qaeda acts all outraged about being blamed for a terrorist attack it says it did not commit, it's ok use LOL in the lede.
Snow flakes
When there's an unusual amount of snow and roads are closed, write as though it's the first time. Readers don't want u to spoil the illusion
Sometimes you need volume more than facts
To avoid complaints from shrill Lefties, be more concerned with volume than facts. For each person supporting the Right, find five against
Snow need to fear
It's important to maintain a constant level of snow fear. If one storm is over, be sure to add "but another one is on the way."
Easy on the left
Don't point out overzealousness of the left (Obama peace prize). When necessary, bring focus back to those "war mongering evil Republicans"
Pretend puncuation
No one knows how to use a semi-colon. Don't pretend you do. Be honest, you couldn't have two thoughts at once anyway.
Don't be a putz
It's December. It's Canada. It snows. If you are even considering a first-snow-of-the-year story, you will be nominated for a putzer prize
A good excuse for a story
Don't let mere cuts and bruises keep you from overblowing an insignificant story. If a celeb is in a fender bender, make the most of it.
Photographers: Take advantage of the law
Whenever you are stuck for a wild art photo idea, remember in Ontario it's legal to walk down the street topless.
No, it's not your Thanksgiving
Staff? ... staff? ... Fuckers are trying to pull that "I thought it was our Thanksgiving" trick again.
Take pride in your story
When you have an exclusive story, it's ok to conclude with a line for your competitors, i.e. Take that, bitches.
Don't perpetuate a lie
When someone says 'You'll save in the long run,' be sure to translate to 'This is one more thing that will screw you'
Call The Simpsons
If your stylebook still has Ottoman Empire, Siam, Kampuchea, Transjordan, Ceylon, New Spain or The Trucial States, sell it to Matt Groening.
Stateside slang
When referring to the U.S., please use sparingly: The warmer Canada; our fun uncle; Hollywood South; NASCAR-lovin fake breastsville
Everything old will be new again
Little known fact: just like flapper dresses, disco and mullets, your old stylebook will one day be current again
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Jargon adjustment
Only use the word boondoggle if a govt program cost $1 billion, otherwise call it money well spent.about 9 hours ago from TweetDeck
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Reliable sources II
If you think something is true but can't get it verified, send it to yourself and then write "a source said in an email"
Flu freighter
Refer to the Olympic torch run by its formal name, not as the Trans-Canada H1N1 Express
Reliable sources
Don't report something just because a blogger writes about it. But if a bunch of bloggers start quoting that blogger, well...
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
No words to say
There are over 200,000 words in the English language, but that doesn't cover every situation. Feel free to make one up to suit your needs
Claus and effect
Santa Clause is a movie. The jolly old elf is Santa Claus. Bob's dog is Santa Claws but it's doubtful you'll need that information.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Star light, star fright
Photo advisory: be sure to get your stars right. For example, do not confuse photos of Michael Jackson and Terry Hatcher.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
The trouble with plurals
Remember: the English language is funny, but the plural of loser is not Leafs.
DST: Yours to recover
DST clarification for Ontarians: stands for Daylight Saving Time, not Dalton Sales Tax
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Attention-aggettin'
If you need to punch up a headline, consider adding "aggedon." i.e. Lose-aggedon continues for Leafs.
Super flu
As much as it may seem like the H1N1 swine flu has mutated into a super flu, do not refer to it as H2N2
U the horror!
In Canada we generally add a U to words ending in "or" and not anywhere you see an O and R together -- i.e. don't write Touronto, hourrour.
Style over fashion
The stylebook is handy in the newsroom, but don't rely on it to help you dress for the club.
DST: Yours to recover
It's Daylight Saving Time (not savings). It's also OK to take your hour back tonight rather than wait.
Friday, October 30, 2009
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